I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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