she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
