Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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