So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
