I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
