clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
