i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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