The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
