opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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