he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
