thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize