Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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