She just used a chaser for red wine.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
What drink are we having for lunch?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize