Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
