He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
