then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
