I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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