I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
accomplished twins. life is a go
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
