We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
