I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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