The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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