I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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