I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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