Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
