I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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