he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
