Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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