Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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