you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
