I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I love having hate sex.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
