you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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