brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
