dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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