Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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