woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
