I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
