you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
