Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
