i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
