im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Couch. On fire.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
