hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
