everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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