Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
