I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
