Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize