You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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