I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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