No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
