i love accidental penises.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
