Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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