Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
