ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
