I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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