At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
