Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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