Duck Duck Cougar?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
