Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
