Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
