Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
