So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
