I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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