see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Randomize
