is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
