I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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