That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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