I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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