My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
