Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
