I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
