Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
