I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
