he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
