trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I love you. Go after that dick
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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