you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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