I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
