Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
