is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
