My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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